Your Needs Are More Important Than Others
It’s not Selfish
I have heard it by so many people “pray for others more than yourself.” Or something like “take care of others first.” I don’t agree. In fact I believe that this culture that views taking care of yourself first as being selfish has created a lot of the people who struggle with people pleasing, being taken advantage of, and healthy self-care.
For those who do not know, I am a Christian, but I try not to make anyone feel as though I am shoving my beliefs down their throats, so I attempt to not be obnoxious with my content on such matters. But I do like to still talk about these things in how they affect my life as a whole. Please know I care for all my readers and only want what is best for you all as well as myself.
I heard someone once say that they pray for themselves more than anyone else because of something along the lines of what I want to convey here, you are your most important ally. How can you expect to be the best for someone spiritually if you are not where you need to be? The same is true for everything we do in life - we cannot give out of an empty cup. This is a major reason why burnout is so prevalent today. Too many people are worrying about the needs of others while neglecting their own. I have been one of these people many times in the past until I started realizing I could not be the best person for them if it was taking too much out of me due to lack of meeting my own needs.
I do not believe that we should in turn be jerks to those around us, and not help those in need. That is far from what I believe. Just today I gave a woman a supplement I take frequently for UTIs and bladder health because she needed what I had but couldn’t get any immediately, and I still have enough for until I can get more (not to brag here). I believe greatly in generosity, and anyone who knows me understands that if someone needed my shirt I was wearing I would give it because I have enough.
This however, is not the same as what I am referring to. Giving of oneself so much that you do not take care of your own physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, intellectual, and mental needs is too far. For example, I do not leave my phone available to anyone except for 1 person (my partner) when I sleep at night due to my sleep insomnia troubles I have had since a teenager. I have worked extremely hard to get myself to a point of being able to sleep through the night without medications and it is working well. For that reason, it is impossible to reach me while sleeping. I know I cannot function at my best mental and physical capacity with low rest - I get a bit irritable when I’m tired.
The same can be true of many other areas in our lives. It is good to feed the homeless and I encourage it, but I will not risk my own financial security to make sure someone else is fed if I am low on income.
I can be a good friend to my friends and listen to them, but I will not listen to constant complaining so it does not put me in a negative mood. I have worked extremely hard to have a positive mindset and do not wish to be focusing on negative energy which I have encountered in many people. If you were to come to me with constant complaining about your life and no desire to fix whatever or find solutions, and reject every single suggestion or solution I give, I will stop answering because I have realized you only wish to complain (I realize some people need to vent, this is not the same). I cannot be the person a complainer goes to because I do not wish to dwell on negativity constantly. I am reminded of an ex of mine who complained about every little thing and would do nothing to problem solve; we did not last for that reason.
Yet we live in a society where many people have been taught to sacrifice their own needs and just “deal with it” for the sake of helping others and taking care of their needs. But I pose the question again, how can you pour from an empty cup?
These few examples I have given from myself are just some of the possibilities. You may have other areas which this is true. Whatever the case may be, please stop seeing self care and taking care of your needs first as selfish - it is not. If anything, it is self love. To take care of yourself is to love yourself first. Here is the truth we all must realize - we are the only person we will be with from the time we are born until we die, 24/7, every single year. All aspects of our health must be more than important than other people’s or we will lose ourselves along the way and become burnt out and broken in ways unimaginable (ask me how I know). We must as a society stop seeing our needs as less than important of other people first. When we do this, we will set healthy boundaries, become the best we can for ourselves, and live to the best of what we can. This is vital for a long, healthy life.