Boundaries are Sexy

Set some babe

A few years ago I was a nightmare when it came to boundaries (still working on that part of my life, but we’re all a work in progress). And then I met George and Christy, who showed me what real love was and set good, healthy boundaries with me. My psychiatrist and therapists also helped with this tremendously. I hated it at first, it bothered me a lot because I wasn’t used to it. But with some time, I started to realize some things about it that I had never truly understood before because I didn’t grow up with good, healthy boundaries. My father was flat out a jerk and would do whatever he wanted no matter the cost to me, as well as many other family members - specifically my older brother who sexually abused me for a total of 6.5-7 years. The only thing I learned growing up in relation to boundaries was that they didn’t matter and it’s okay to cross them if you throw the phrase “I love you” into the mix.

When good people came into my life and started really setting them with me, I learned that I could do the same - so I did. My confidence level has grown astronomically as a result is incredible. I still struggle with it but I stopped people pleasing in the same way I used to. My ability to say no and stick to it has gone up. It also helped me in learning to take care of my body and mind better because I stopped putting other peoples needs before my own physical and mental health. If I know something is going to take too many spoons from me, I won’t do it. When people want me to do something I am not comfortable with, I do not.

We live in a society (especially in America) where it’s highly valued by a lot of people to just give in to what others want and need at our expense. Case in point being that some people expect you to not take a lunch when working (yeah I don’t do that anymore due to getting mononucleosis years ago and have struggled with my health since). Many women here are taught to just give in to whatever men want and say and be polite - to which I say f*ck that. Because no I will not let another man harm me the way I was for 22 years by the males in my life who supposedly “loved” me.

It’s amazing the way I’ve grown as a person because of the way I’ve learned to set boundaries. It gives me a level of peace I’ve never experienced before. I encourage each and every one of you all to do the same.

My suggestion to you is, if you don’t know where to start, start with something small. Everyone is different so what is small to me may not be to you and vice versa. If you’re unsure where to start, ask your therapist and maybe even a close friend where they see you lack boundaries (they have opinions!).

There are multiple areas we can set boundaries in: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, time, financial, intellectual, etc. I suggest you choose 1 of those areas and give it a go. The first few times it will feel hard, and even maybe make you feel a bit like a jerk. But, the more you do it, the easier and better it gets, and you become more confident in yourself and happier as you see your life changing for the better.

Boundaries are sexy, set some babe.